So I've actually managed to keep to my new year's resolution and have been exercising every day, quit drinking pop all together and been eating healthy. I feel better and sleep better and all around CAN see and feel the improvement.
I still would like to loose another 35 lbs but I think with this regiment it's possible by summer.
Aside from losing weight (about 15 lbs so far) and maybe stopping myself from having a heart attack, the other goal of this lifestyle change was to reduce stress. I am a stress monster, I worry about everything always. I worry about things that are happening this very moment, I worry about things that just happened, about things just about to happen, about things that will happen and about all the things in the world that MAY happen possibly maybe at some point. I always worry, I am always stressed and I'm sure it's slowly killing me and that in itself worries me and stresses me the fuck out. Fuck.
I realize I need to calm down. I realize I need to not stress myself out or I'm going to stroke out. I realize I need to learn to just accept things and live my life. I am trying, but the world is working against me, my entire life up until this point is working against me. The reason I am who I am, I believe, is because I've worried about every possible situation and because of that I've been able to have a plan in place to handle nearly any situation that presents itself. It SEEMS like a successful approach to life, "hope for the best but plan for the worst". So I plan for the worst case scenario in every situation I can imagine, and I have a vivid imagination.
I feel like people rely on me to be prepared to deal with every problem, I feel like it's my job as a boss and I feel like it's my job as a dad and as a husband. I have to be able to solve problems QUICKLY and without panicking. When people come to me with an issue or a problem and are upset or freaked out if I simply responded with, "Sorry, I can't help you, I don't know what to do here and am not going to worry about it" I feel like my family and my business would fall apart around me and it would be my fault. I can't just not know how to handle problems, I simply can't.
Right now I know my mother's situation is going to have an atom bomb effect on my life within the next 2-months or so, I know it's coming and I'm worried about it because I don't think I have a viable solution. I'm not just the "what do we do now?" solution guy, I'm the money guy, if I don't make enough money, everyone suffers because no one else makes any money. I'm not complaining, I'm just stating a fact. Eventually, very soon, yet not at any specific time frame, my mom will be homeless with no income and that means I need to have a solution and I need to have enough money to implement that solution. I know this will absolutely happen and I can't stop stressing about it. No amount of exercising or healthy lifestyle has been able to stop the worrying either. This is real and I don't know how I'm supposed to not stress out about it.
So how do I stop the stress associated with that?
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