Every day passes and I don't do anything. I know what I should do, in the big picture it seems like these changes wouldn't take much effort yet I don't do them. I simply live. I have a million excuses too, I have 4 kids, a busy career, 12 employees, a house, rental properties, kids activities, etc. Add to it I'n in my 40's and always exhausted now and I don't get shit done unless it HAS to be done. I have to be at work for a set amount of time during a set period of time, it's inflexible. I have to pick up and drop off kids at set amounts of time during set intervals of time. I have to eat, sometime, at least a few times a day or as I understand it, I'll die. The kids must get to bed, we must go grocery shopping and I must get gas for my car and the dog needs water. FUCK. I can either exercise for 15 minutes or get 15-minutes more of sleep...so...um sleep wins, always. Everyone tells me to take time for me and make time for me and do things for myself...are you kidding me?
I know the days fly by, having kids REALLY polarizes that, time zooms ahead and I know that in the grand scheme of things if I just worked out 1/2 hour a day everyday before I knew it, 6-months would be gone and I wouldn't look like Zach Galifinakis anymore but everyday I wake up at 5:30 AM and BAM it's 10:30 PM, I"m on autopilot most days. I'd like to look into more creative interesting jobs, I'd like to really investigate starting a new business, maybe in California, but dammit isn't it time for my daughter's play practice/karate lesson/swimming class/Girl Scouts/choir concert????
The cold hard reality is that for the most part, I'm living for my kids at this point; sure, I write this blog and post on FB 2,589 a day, but believe it or not these events take seconds and/or minutes and I can do them while multitasking on my phone (I'm driving a combine and making soup right now), they don't even last 5 minutes. Living for me cuts into everyone else's time and everyone relies on me to work 60 hours a week and maintain my rental properties so they continue to live in a house and eat and stuff, and my wife relies on me to help at home since we've decided to have just under a half-dozen kids, and my body needs me to sleep and eat (probably more, but right now, that's a minimum).
So I am moving 1,000 miles an hour at times in all directions and not really going anywhere. Wow this entry is frustrating, I suck.
It sounds like you're a great person. You are a working man that provides for his family. You are a dad that is there for you kids. You hold down a job, even if you want to try something else. Think if you were no longer around....how much you'd be missed. Sometimes we need to look at the things we love the most and just smile. Life isn't fun.....trust me....ugh. Try and stay positive....you have a lot on your plate to do.
ReplyDeleteJenn Love