I have Reoccurring Female Issues "Down There"

I like to say that I was raised by my grandma. I like to say this because I "feel" like it's true, but in reality, it isn't and I wasn't. I lived with my grandma from birth to maybe 2 or 3 years old, obviously I can't remember, I was only 2 or 3 years old. Maybe it was even only for a year, I honestly don't know. When my runaway dad came back to retrieve my mom and I from his own parents house and move us out to Madison Heights, my parents were barely 20 years old so my grandma tried to help out with raising me, but I don't know if she was there every day or once a month, I just have no idea. I can remember my dad telling me that grandma and my mom were making me "soft", and babying me. I couldn't have been more than 10 years old when I was getting these speeches from him and by 11 or 12 years old the women in my life were gone and replaced by the revolving door of my dads wives and girlfriends. Because I had no women raising me (that mattered or stuck around) I am NOT a mamma's boy, in fact, I have no relationship with any woman who I would consider a mother/child relationship. Once I was old enough to be on my own, I established a relationship like that with my grandma, and she became my parental figure and remained in that role until she died a few years back. That is probably why I like to tell people she raised me and why I feel she was my only parent. All of this comes into play in the present because I was never taught how to interact properly with women. I ALWAYS get it all fucked up with females and not the normal, "why can't you talk about your feelings?" kind of fucked up, the kind where I have a difficult time separating being a female's friend and flirting to the point of danger and if I've been drinking, beyond flirting. 

I chose a woman to marry who, although beautiful and feminine, has more male characteristics when it comes to our relationship. She doesn't like to talk about her feelings. She doesn't want to have deep conversations about our life together. She doesn't want to put up flowers and decorate. She wants to be practical and be pals, parents and lovers. She also thinks my behavior with women, which most likely would be grounds for divorce in most other marriages, is fine. It's no big deal, she knows I love her and that's that. She has watched me in some pretty compromising situations with other women, she knows I flirt to the 9th power and she's read dirty emails between me and other women (thank you to that one special husband out there by the way who found them in his wife's inbox and sent those to my wife, really, you're a peach). She knows I have a difficult problem recognizing boundaries when I am drunk. Often the women I befriend do not recognize this about me though until it's too late and they have the wrong idea; not that I ever make unwanted passes at women, to the contrary, the women think we've moved closer than friends and WANT more, and I have to decline. In my mind, and my wife's thankfully, I don't cheat on my wife but lets just say I slip up when alcohol is in use. None of this is an excuse for my behavior, I AM a complete fuck up when it comes to friendships and relationships with women, I just don't handle myself very well. Add to this that I seem to be liked by women, comfortable in the company of women and am surrounded by females in every aspect of my life (4-kids all girls, 75% of the people I work with are female, 90% of my friends are female, 90% of the art I create is of a women AND my wife is a woman) and one may consider I have a perfect recipe for constant disaster. I do. I've gone so far as to apply for a FEMA trailer to be placed in my backyard just in case.  

Oddly enough I think I know women, as much as a man can know about women in general, and am raising my girls right and have a good solid relationship with my wife. It's a conundrum I have no answer for but I do realize I am simply winging it here, I have no well of knowledge to draw from, I have no history of experience, I have no mother that taught me how to treat a lady right. 


In the end I guess what I'm trying to express here is that you look really pretty in this light here at the bar and would really like to hear more about how your husband doesn't listen to you...can we get 13 more shots please? Great..go on...